Moments When the Heart Stops
by glassfacet
Summary: Part of the Triviaglass Avengerverse, companion to Lies My Parents Told Me. The Avengers' children grow up watching their parents, and see the world's heroes in moments good, bad, and ultimately truthful, despite the lies their parents might have told them.


Roman "Roma" Bryusovitch Banner

Natasha and Bruce knew that their son would be in danger from the moment he was born. The Starks, even with their celebrity status, have less to fear, for the entire criminal underworld would not be hunting down their children to use and abuse because of their genetics. Bruce pressured Tony into creating and installing a panic system in the house that he and Natasha had decided to settle into "for Hulk reasons". Natasha convinced Nick Fury to have a SWAT team on standby "just in case she lost it". Neither of them felt any safer, but the contingency was in place.

The first and only time the contingency was used, Roman was eight months old. Natasha was at home with him after a long night of codebreaking and colic. She'd gone to get them a snack, leaving him to play with large soft plastic blocks in his bedroom. The sound of the standard burglar alarm sent her running back to her baby, praying she was wrong.

Finding a man with a knife standing over her baby chilled her to the core of her being. Roman was scooting backwards, away from the assassin – who hadn't noticed Natasha – and towards the little red panic button specifically placed for him. The incident also marked the only time that Natasha and the Black Widow ever agreed on an objective and method of achieving it.

Attack the assassin. Protect the baby at all costs. Go.

Natasha managed to surprise the guy, which is one of the reasons why her first three blows landed without retaliation. Her body wasn't completely recovered from the birth – occupational hazard of training her body out of preparing for reproduction for most of her life – and she missed disarming the assailant. She did, however, manage to shatter one of his knees and break a few of his ribs. Black Widow was screaming with frustration inside her head.

"Roma, baby, push the red button," said Natasha, keeping focused on her opponent. "And then hold tight to Bear." She could hear Roman crawling to the button on the wall, and engaged the assassin again. She felt the knife slash through her arm, knew that she was bleeding, and kept on fighting. Dimly, she heard SWAT arrive, along with Tony and Bruce. She kept fighting.

When _Dyadya_ Tony told Roman the story years later, he told him that Natasha had Roman in a corner behind her when they got to her. She was bleeding heavily from multiple injuries. SWAT had shot the assassin on the spot and hauled the corpse off for the FBI to deal with. It took Bruce two minutes to talk Natasha down so that he could patch her up. _Dyadya_ Tony had cuddled Roman as best he could in the armour, and as soon as Natasha was all bandaged up, Bruce and Natasha had taken their son back and held him, whispering to him in Russian and Bengali.

Roman's first memory is of his mama soothing Hulk-Papa when he was four. He'd been in the daycare _Dyadya_ Tony built for the kids at his labs. Atom, Evie and Tali were trying to play Twister, and they'd let Roman call the shots. An alarm had gone off next door, but they'd ignored it until _Dyadya_ Tony and _Tetya_ Darcy had come running in. Roman had slipped through the open daycare door while the other three demanded attention, curious about what all the fuss was about. A big green monster was trashing the lab, throwing around the equipment like it was nothing and roaring. Roman hid beside the fire extinguisher and watched with big eyes. The monster was the prettiest shade of green. Maybe he'd turn that colour one day.

Roman's Mama walked into the labs and called, "Hulk, you're wrecking the office."

Hulk seemed to be the monster's name, and he turned and looked at Mama. He seemed confused by her presence. Mama stared him down, like there was nothing in the world to be afraid of. And there wasn't, because Hulk slowly but surely shrunk down to become Papa. Mama and Papa hugged each other, and Papa buried his face in Mama's shoulder for a few minutes. Roman judged it to be safe then, and toddled out of his hiding place.

"Mama!" cried Roman. "Papa! That was a pretty green monster!"

And Papa had picked him up and hugged him close. "I'm glad you like him, Roma. What are you doing in here?"

"I wanted to see," said Roman, pouting.

"Some things aren't for you to see yet," said Mama, gently but firmly. "You scared us. You probably scared _Dyadya_ Tony and _Tetya_ Darcy too, hm? Why don't we all go see them?"

Roman decided that his Mama was a goddess that day.

It was a few years later that Mama began teaching Roman mixed martial arts. They sat together, facing each other, in the centre of her private dojo at their house. The first thing Natasha taught him was meditation. To sit, and be still in body, heart, mind, and soul. Roman accepted it as a method of learning to control his breathing. It became part of their family ritual: everyday, they would get up at dawn together and the three of them would sit in a circle for an hour and meditate as the sun rose. Even as a teenager, Roman loved this time of day with his parents. For once, Mama and Papa both seemed at peace with themselves and the world. Breakfast was usually the happiest part of the day, before Mama became Black Widow/Natasha and before Papa became Dr Banner/ Hulk. When they were themselves, and the joy of that small freedom resonated through the kitchen.

When Roman moved out, he missed that joy, though he kept up the meditation. And the basic exercises that he learned in the years that followed. At the time, he thought that it was the violence of martial arts that made him stronger. Only when he had his first Hulk-out without Mama or Tali did he realize that what had made him strong was the love of those early mornings, and the discipline of the daily routine. Mama had given him the ability to control himself completely, even before any of them knew how badly he'd need that discipline.

"Roma, you are wrong and right," Mama had told him the one time he'd dared to challenge her view on violence and strength. "Violence drew us together, and shaped all of us. It is not what keeps us together. If it was, we wouldn't be a strong team. We would only be monsters, to be unleashed when told. We know who we are, and past pains have helped us get there. Because we know who we are as individuals, we are less afraid of working as one in the field. Now, let's try that combo again, shall we? And mind your form, Roma. Carelessness is how injuries happen."

The most difficult conversation Roman can recall having with his parents revolved around Homecoming and Henry. Henry was a guy he'd met while cutting class with Natalie and hanging out in the boys' bathroom. They'd found him curled up on the floor in one of the stalls, and between the two of them, Roman and Natalie had done a preliminary exam that would put a paramedic to shame and carried him to the nurse's office. Natalie was filling the nurse in on what they'd found when Henry had woken up. Roman had decided that his part in saving the world might just be fighting social injustice. He'd asked Henry out on the spot.

"So, what's all this about you going to Homecoming?" asked Natasha, handing Roman the mashed potatoes. "Natalie was all excited about it. She's got big plans for the night."

"I bet she does," said Roman, practicing his meditative breathing and bracing for the rest of the conversation. "I'm going with a guy. His name's Henry, and he's got these beautiful almost purple eyes. We've talked a bit, and we seem to have a lot in common."

"Are you dating him?" asked Bruce, pausing in spooning broccoli onto his plate. "And do we get to meet him?"

"Yeah, we're dating," said Roman. "I dunno about the whole meeting thing though. Probably before we go to the dance. You know, you're taking this really well."

"Roma, be serious," said Natasha. "I am pleased that you're exploring who you are as a human being. I never had the chance when I was growing up. That you have such a chance, and are taking advantage of it, makes me happy."

"And I can turn into an enormous green rage monster at the drop of a hat," said Bruce. "I adore a woman classified by Interpol as a high-functioning sociopath, and classified by the FBI as the most dangerous woman on the planet. You dating a boy is almost normal in comparison."

Roman elected to not try to argue with either of his parents. And really, what was he going to say? His parents were probably the most flexible of the Avengers family. It was not a surprise to him that his father would find a book on the subject and give it to him for his own study; neither were the box of condoms from his mother, accompanied by a note instructing him to use them when required. Roman was glad they'd had the discretion to not do all of this in public, or in front of his cousins. So when prom rolled around, Roman had a suit – grey pinstripes over crimson with matching buttonhole – and his parents invited Henry and his parents over for lunch. Natalie and Atom showed up with their dates around four and pictures were taken. The group photo was placed on his parents' mantle and it never failed to make Roman smile.

Roman worked at Natasha's dojo after school and during the summer. He and Tali end up running the place half the time, with her at the front desk and him teaching the classes, but they were cool with that. It meant that they weren't getting themselves into trouble with either the police or their parents, and they got to hang out with each other. Tali usually joined the last class of the day, locking the front door and working hard to keep up with the adult class. The class was usually a sedate one, but there were days when certain people came in with fleas under their tails. Roman kept an eye on them, as they were usually the ones who wound up causing someone to get hurt.

The day came when it was Tali who got hurt. One of the other students, a petite woman who could pack quite a punch, got a little carried away during sparring. Roman didn't see exactly what happened, as he was correcting stances and helping with blocks, but when he turned to look, Natalie was lying very still on the floor. His heart froze, and he called a halt to all of the other fights. Quickly, he checked her pulse and breathing; her pulse was steady, but her breathing wasn't. She didn't respond when he called her name or ran his knuckles down her sternum.

Fear brought him crystalline clarity. He requested that someone call an ambulance, and went to the front office to get his mother. Natasha followed him back to the practice room and moved them to the other practice room, where she took over the class. Roman went with Natalie in the ambulance, and he held her hand the whole way there.

He called Pepper's private line, hoping that her phone was on. "Hey _Tetya_ Pepper, it's Roman. There was an accident at the dojo. Natalie's in the hospital. The doctors are examining her now. No, I haven't called _Dyadya _Tony yet. I thought I should call you first. Don't worry, I'll call Atom too. See you soon. Safe trip."

Calling _Tetya_ Pepper was the easy part. Calling _Dyadya_ Tony was something else altogether. "_Dyadya_ Tony, it's Roman. I'm fine, but Natalie isn't. There was an accident, so I took her to the hospital. The doctors are examining her. I already talked to _Tetya_ Pepper, and she's on her way. I was just about to call Atom. See you soon then."

Atom and Roman weren't as close as he and Tali were, but Atom was fiercely protective of his sister, in a passive-aggressive way. Telling him that his sister was hurt would end badly. "Hi Atom, it's Roman. Yes, I know you have caller ID, and I don't particularly care. Listen, there's been a bit of an accident, and Natalie's in the hospital. I don't know anything, okay? I was doing something else. The docs are looking at her. I don't know what they're doing. Yeah, I just called your parents, and they're coming. I know, okay? Sorry for not being all seeing, but I do try to keep injuries minimal. I thought Tali could handle it. Have a little faith in your sister. Yeah, yeah, I'll see you soon."

Natalie woke up two hours later to find her parents sitting beside her hospital bed. Her twin, they informed her, was reaming out her best friend. Roman was relieved when she woke up and didn't have any apparent brain damage. The only injury she had was an ugly bruise on her jaw, and by the end of the week, even that was gone.

Time flew, as did degrees and accolades and scathing remarks born from envy. Roman dated, when he remembered that it could be fun and when he met someone who genuinely interested him. He made friends and kept them, which was unusual in his rather unusual family. Maybe it was the ability to fade into the background that he got from his Papa; maybe it was the obvious lack of money and connections. PJ's theory was that Roman's just a likeable guy, and the people who bothered to know him were lucky, because he was a good friend to anyone who needed him to be. Ninja's theory was that Roman is a drug, and his friends are actually just addicts. Roman just liked having a connection to the world outside of the family to keep him sane, and to remember what his parents and aunts and uncles were fighting for.

Tali moved in with him somewhere around her Masters in BioChemical Engineering. His friends had been surprised to meet Tali; Tali had been surprised to meet his friends. But as she warmed up to them, nights out with friends became something she looked forward to as much as Roman did. And having female friends – _real_ female friends – helped Tali settle into her own skin. And somewhere around the follow-up PhD, Tali began working on gene therapies. Roman worked with her, and the two of them began to shape a new technology that would save millions of lives, including the lives of those they loved.

When Roman was twenty-four, almost twenty-five, everything changed. He remembers it like this:

He's hanging out at Atom and Evie's condo in Chicago with Tali when _Dedushka_ Fury calls. He requests that they come to New York as soon as possible. Tali and Atom fly them over in their jet, and none of them make any jokes. Roman knows better than anyone that _Dedushka_ doesn't call for social visits. Miniature bolts of lightning leap between Evie's hands, while Roman meditates and the twins focus on flying. None of them wants to hear whatever Grandfather has to say.

_Tetya_ Pepper is waiting for them when they land. She hugs her children a little tighter than usual, hugs her children-in-law a little tighter than usual, but that's alright because no one is sure of what's happening, and _Tetya_ Pepper is scared. Tali holds tightly to Roman's hand, and Roman squeezes back. They both need to know that the other is alive, because it's something to hold on to for both of them to be alright.

_Dyadya_ Clint and _Dyadya_ Tony are in intensive care, and are both far too still. _Tetya_ Darcy is sitting with _Dyadya_ Clint, holding his hand and talking to him so that his subconscious knows that he's safe and can relax and heal. _Dyadya_ Steve is on the phone, and judging from the rapid Italian that he has learned to speak over the course of his marriage, he is talking to _Tetya_ Maria and filling her in on what's happened. He appears to be fine now, but probably wasn't when they brought him in. Tali lets out a choked sob when she sees her Daddy hooked up to various machines that makes sure he's going to be alright. Roman hugs her to his chest, unexpected tears stinging his eyes. His parents are not present, and he knows what _Dedushka_ wanted to tell them.

The conscious family is debriefed, and it is a short telling. Roman feels like his mother has just kicked him in the gut, like his father has just thrown him into a wall while he is still human, like he has been hit over the head with Mjolnir. His vision goes black. Tali tells him when he comes to that he crumpled like a marionette with cut strings and cried, calling for his Mama and Papa. They cry together, Roman and Tali, and as the news spreads, the rest of the family cries too.

A week later, _Dyadya_ Clint wakes up, and two weeks after him _Dyadya_ Tony rejoins the world of the living. Roman goes with Tali to see them both, and is devastated when _Dyadya_ Tony talks about what exactly happened, about how his parents decided that being together was more important than being there for him. It is _Dyadya_ Clint who brings the truth of Natasha and Bruce into sharp focus.

"I've known Natalia for a long time," Clint tells Roman in the hallway. "She was lost before S.H.I.E.L.D. picked her up, and she found something to serve within her role in the Avengers Initiative. But the only time she really seemed human? That was when she was with your dad. And he only really got comfortable with himself because of her. I guess, neither one of them ever figured out how to balance themselves without each other. Natalia couldn't be human without Bruce, and Bruce couldn't own his demons without Natalia."

"My mother was Natasha, not Natalia," snaps Roman.

"She was born Natalia Alianova Romanova," says Clint, shaking his head. "Natasha is the diminutive for Natalia. Like Roma is your nickname, Natasha was hers. I think, to her, it came to mean that she was wanted, that she was needed, and that she was loved. And for her, that was all she ever wanted."

The family funeral just outside of Moscow is a beautiful one. Loki and Sif show up to pay their respects, and they stand with Arrow, _Tetya_ Jane and _Dyadya_ Thor. Atom and Evie stand between their two families. Ninja has been hauled back from the back of beyond, and PJ, Einstein, and Zuzu are clustered around her. Roman knows it is one of the few times all of the family will be together. To him, the circle of love around the empty graves is tangible. Beneath his parents' names and dates on their headstone is their phrase: Only the Good Die Young.

He stays there with Tali long after everyone else has retreated to the hotel ballroom for the wake. In the wind that swirls around them, he can feel his parents. His Mama's laugh, his Papa's exasperated sigh, the way they smelled and everything they've ever thought to tell him, every lesson they've made sure he learned. Roman knows his parents love him, even though their atoms are scattered all over the globe. No matter where he goes, they will be with him – subatomically as well as in his memories. And that is more than enough.

He takes up the Hulk's mantle, but not because he feels he has to. He knows who he is.


End file.
